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Directions: read haiku one time before meals. If hunger persists read twice. Do not exceed five readings within a 24-hour period. Haiku may be administered to another person if protective earphones are used while playing any Celine Dion or Bjork CD at full volume. Do not read this haiku while driving or operating heavy machinery. May cause nausea and severe anxiety. Non-habit forming. Do not administer to children under the age of 12 unless they are litigants in an obesity lawsuit. Warning: severe depression and/or loss of critical thought may result if used in conjunction with any presidential speech, talk radio, or any program broadcast on CNN, MSNBC, FOX, ABC, CBS, NBC, UPN, E!, HSN, or CBN. Reading this Haiku within 24 hours before or after viewing any reality TV show has been shown to lead to total brain failure.
We know you have been waiting all year for this! The winning Second Annual Guy du Vin Thanksgiving Haiku is:
Load the dishwasher
Quick, before the tryptophan
Nails us to the couch(Thanks to Skip Mendler for this work of art.)
Thanksgiving is almost here and once again it's time to stop and remember to give thanks for all our blessings by stuffing ourselves with enough food to choke a horse and watching 18 hours of overly aggressive guys in helmets bludgeon one another on national television. It is no wonder that this holiday brings each of us closer together and makes our way of life the envy of tens of people everywhere. In keeping with those customs here are our yearly (steroid free) Thanksgiving wine guidelines.
Guy du Vin Thanksgiving Wine and Food Regulations
Rule #1 No matter which wine you pick for Thanksgiving, it will not work perfectly with everything you serve (unless you serve only one dish - in which case you may skip all of the following rules). The reason for this is that there are dozens of flavor combinations spread on the average traditional Thanksgiving table. The turkey, the cranberry sauce, the potatoes - all probably call for a separate wine. You should also keep in mind that the dinner at grandma's house is going to taste quite different from the dinner that your Aunt Betty might serve. (Especially if Aunt Betty's idea of traditional Thanksgiving dinner includes Chili Fries, Slim Jims and a Moon Pie.) You might consider serving a wine that is a personal old favorite or perhaps you may just decide to match up a single dish or two.
Rule #2 No matter what you read in the newspaper or in food and wine magazines, roast turkey is hard to pair with wine. Turkey often makes your wine taste metallic; especially wines that are tannic and astringent (like cabernet sauvignon). Wines that emphasize fruit and that are generally fuller bodied tend to work better.
Rule #3 Avoid serving your wine at too cool a temperature. Cooler temperatures tend to reduce a wine's fruity element, which is what blends so well with Thanksgiving flavors.
Rule #4 Due to the renewal of the Homeland Security Act, rule #4 is still classified Secret(Don't worry - we don't torture!)
Rule #5 In general, avoid wines with extremely high alcohol levels (above 13.5 %). Wines with high alcohol tend to taste a little unbalanced and can easily overpower food.
Rule #6 If it fits your budget, open a number of wines and let your guests choose the one they prefer. This takes the pressure off of you and the wine (unless you are the type of person that tends to make "groups" of bad wine choices rather than "individual" bad wine choices).
In general, you are better off keeping your extra special wines for another occasion - like the day after Thanksgiving when all the guests are gone.
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