As I write this there are only 14 days left until that greatest of all wine holidays - St. Patrick's Day. This is the only day of the year when all the world focuses on the wines of Ireland, and celebrates the long history of winemaking and viticulture on the "Emerald Isle".

It is hard even to know where to begin in telling the story of the origins of the Irish wine industry as there isn't much information available. Winemaking had a long tradition well before St. Patrick came upon the scene. It is known that the Celts were the first people to have taken food and wine pairing to the level of an art form, long before the French ever made their first white zinfandel. Archeologists have found ancient urns with red wine residue that prove that the ancient Celts were capable of producing full bodied hardy red wines. Early writings indicate a strong preference of many wine drinkers for wines that could be paired with the many species of legless lizards and vipers that inhabited the island at the time, and were a major food source.

Unfortunately, Irish wine production went into a steep decline with the arrival of the person who was to become St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland. He was born in Wales about AD 385. His given name was Maewyn, and he almost didn't get the job of bishop of Ireland because he lacked the required scholarship. He is said to have given a sermon from a hilltop that drove all the snakes from Ireland. Some people think this is a metaphor for the conversion of the pagans. In actuality, this was the end of the early food and wine industry in Ireland. Since most people at the time only drank wine with food (snake meat), the idea of drinking wine by itself was an anathema. People stopped drinking wine. Wine production ground to a halt. You can still see the outline of huge ancient cement tanks dotting the countryside in Ireland (and England). For many years these circles were thought to be ancient Druid religious sites. It has only been in the last few years that we know the sad truth.

Though originally a very mournful, Catholic holy day, St. Patrick's Day has evolved into more of a secular holiday, with very few people even aware of the tragic origins of the celebration.

What follows is a newly discovered text, thought to be part of the original sermon preached by St. Patrick. One can clearly see why so many vipers left the island.

Two leprechauns went to the convent and begged an audience with the mother superior.
"Well, how can I help you little people?" asked mother superior.
The larger and more intelligent looking of the leprechauns asked "Oh mother superior, would you be knowing of any midget nuns here at the convent?"
"No," says mother superior, "I don't have any midget nuns here at the convent."
"All right than, mother superior, would you be knowing of any midget nuns in all of Ireland than?"
"No, no," replied mother superior, "I don't know of any nuns who are also midgets in all of Ireland at all."
"Well than mother superior, in all of nundom, in the whole world of all the nuns, would you be knowing, than, of any midget nuns?"
"No, I would not, there are no midget nuns in the whole of the world!" replied mother superior, "and would you please tell me what this is all about!!?"
The asking leprechaun turned sadly to the stupid leprechaun and said "See, it's as I told you all along, you've been dating a penguin".