Guy du Vin’s Top Five Things That Suck All the Life Out of Wine

5.  Twitter and Facebook –In the words of William Deresiewicz, “we’re all peddling ourselves and managing our own brands.”

Chelsea Staub – It’s All About Me - Listen Here

4. Wine Marketing - the “Story” is more important than the wine – Every wine, winery, vineyard, tractor, and pair of pruning shears has a story that must be told! What I would really like to read about is a producer that uses Roundup as a as an imaginative method for permanently lowering labor costs while avoiding overcropping; who decides when to harvest by throwing a dart at a calendar; who picks his grapes using illegally imported child labor equipped with butter knives and Ninja Assault Nuns and then macerates and ferments in empty unwashed barrels of WD 40.

3. Phony Conflicts, Straw Men and the Magazines, Newspapers, and Incompetent Editors that Print ThemStories like this one are so misleading and unhelpful I don’t even know how they get into print. Toss in ginned up polemics on the so called natural wine movement and Biodynamics and it’s just like “wrestling the wax chipmunk”- if you know what I mean.

2. It’s All So Serious – Would the five people in the wine business that actually have a sense of humor please speak up.

1. Sommeliers – listening to an insufferable highbrow bore can be entertaining for some – but most of us would much rather be water boarded while viewing Nyan Cat or perhaps even better – watching a bored predator drone try to pump a few rounds into the next meeting of the Sommelier’s Club – preferably on a day when I am not in attendance.

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