Driving Me Crazy

Can anyone tell me how to acquire my City of Portland Bicyclist Moral Superiority Certificate? I have already passed my mandatory Oregon State Self Righteous Indignation test and I am wondering what the next step is. The city lowered the required minimum number of corporate sponsors on my spandex riding uniform to 650 – so that’s no longer an issue. But I am concerned that I still may not have completely lost my sense of humor as required in the city residency statutes. Will this affect my Passive/Aggressive personality perception requirements and raise my mandatory pedestrian fatality minimums in order to qualify for the certificate? –  On a similar note, I was surprised to learn that there are traffic laws for cars in this town. Who would have guessed?

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