Be Prepared – Canned Food Pairing Issues

Canwich can present a pairing dilemma

A moderate 5.2 magnitude earthquake shook the sea off the Oregon coast on Wednesday morning. Another reminder that it is only a matter of time before the “big one” strikes our little island of righteous indignation – better known as Portland.

So over the past couple of years, we have made a small effort toward emergency preparedness. It is probably not enough to be really ready for the end of the world – but definitely enough to  allow ourselves to be delusionally secure until the worst happens. We can also shake our heads at all the poor fools that haven’t done anything.

So how to handle the food issue. We are supposed to have enough canned food, food bars, etc. on hand to last for at least three days. That means we will need enough wine safely stored (with wine openers and proper glasses) to last for the same period. Assuming a corked wine factor of say 5%  and a red to white ratio of about 3 to 1 – plus a buffer supply – I’m figuring 2 to 2 ½ cases for that 3 day period. Plus, I figure we may need to have an extra case or two of non-descript California commercial wine that we can pour for neighbors and not-so-close friends so we don’t have to waste the good stuff. (And some plastic cups to serve it in – make that paper – recycling you know!)

Now the issue is what wines go with the emergency foods that we have stored?  The Candwich BBQ Chicken probably calls for a Côtes du Rhône or maybe Barbera. But I am at a loss as to what to have with this:

Pork Brains in Milk Gravy

Its the gravy that sort of throws me. Ideas? Note the cholesterol level – 3500 mg – 1170% of the recommended daily value!! Perhaps this is the foie gras of the trailer park crowd!

Here is another question mark (we have a case – it makes me wonder if earthquake survival is all its cracked up to be). Chianti? Mondeuse? Our dog prefers the Squid Flavor:

Pizza Flavored KAM ????

The toughest though is this. I don’t even know where to start. But I assume it should be full bodied:

Braised Elephant Meat with Gravy

I am also thinking that we should take a close look at alcohol levels. It seems to me that the higher the quake on the Richter Scale – the higher the alcohol level should be of the wine. I think the higher alcohol would begin to take the edge off a particularly bad day. So for Wednesday’s 5.2 quake, a nice Riesling at 7 1/2% or 8% alcohol would do nicely. At 6.0 on the Richter Scale a nice red wine like Bebameat around 12% would be just the thing. But for the big one – 8.0 or higher – you are probably going to want something on the order of a Turley Zinfandel at 16% plus. And at that point – who cares about a glass.

For between meals we ordered 3 dozen packages of this:

Delicious Clam Jerky

I’m thinking Sauvignon Blanc or Cheninfrom South Africa, especially with this “soft style” clam jerky. “Hard style” would probably overwhelm it.

And for after dinner:

Musk Flavor Lifesavers - Always Appropriate

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