There's Just One Cure for the Summertime Blues

 "The Yodeling Veterinarian of the Alps" , my preferred drinking song, has been running through my head a lot lately. It happens whenever I am feeling a little low because my moderately reliable but obviously hesitant readers choose not to click on the "buy" buttons and instead merely use the Guy du Vin Newsletter for their own edification and measly entertainment purposes. I suppose if the Yodeling Vet sang a song for me I'd feel better. But not as good as I'd feel if you each ordered $100 worth of great Guy du Vin wine selections. Now that would have me singing, "Yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hoo, Yada-yada yada-yada ya-ga-doo!" and meaning every single word.

On a more serious note:

After reading through all 5,243 food and wine publications that we receive here at Guy du Vin World Headquarters each month, we have come to the startling conclusion that there are only six chefs left in America! (We already knew there was just one wine critic.) Perhaps the rest of the chefs have succumbed to suffocation due to one too many photos taken with arms folded across their chests. Even worse, there are only about a dozen restaurants! We are gravely concerned that many of these publications may be forced to close, as there is clearly not very much to write about. All are forced to cover the same six guys over and over. Even more alarming, there are only ten basic articles and the magazines have no alternative but to trade them each month and do a slight re-write. On reflection, maybe this isn't really a problem at all. We really don't need to be thinking about new stuff all the time.

Just a note for any chef, restaurant or wine in the United States that has not received a James Beard Award, an Award of Excellence, been on the Top 25 List, been on the Ten Best Kept Secrets List, or received 92 points and Five Puffs yet. You are not the problem. GET A NEW MARKETING COMPANY!

If you still don't receive an award then send $250 to Guy du Vin and receive "The Guy du Vin Super Duper Without Peer, Absolute Best Forever American Eagle Stop Sign Period and No Fair Changing Award of Superiority and Pre-Eminence" (valid for 30 days). Short of cash? For $50.00 you can opt for the "Not Bad - Could Be Worse Award of Desperation".

When the blueprint calls for mediocrity, don't gum it all up with distinction or excellence. (We are dumbfounded, however, that the content quality of publications dramatically improves whenever they write about Guy du Vin. They must have better writers for those issues.)